1. Stay there you shall

I have always loved the numbing coldness of mountain water. I love climbing up to the top of the hill to the waterfall and immersing myself in the ice cold water that rushes over the rocks. I love to see the water bringing everything away with it to the bottom of the river, starting off as pure clean water at the top, but ending up as dirty, murky water as impurities flowed with it to the bottom.

Now, I'm sitting at one of my favorite spots at a waterfall which I frequently come, letting the cold, crystal water flow over me. It is a sheltered spot hidden behind rocks, just deep enough for me to sit up with the water up to my shoulders. Not many people know this spot, as it is located higher up in on the hill then the normal camping spot. I like it here where only the sound of the rushing water and forest keeps me company. Many a time have I hiked up here, took off my shoes, gingerly put my feet in the water, getting used to the chill and sitting down in the cold, letting my mind go blank and enjoy the water swirling around me, gentle yet forceful, cold yet calming.

****

"Hey! We should go hiking!!"

"Hiking? Where?"

"I heard there's this hill behind our campus, with a waterfall. I heard it's very nice! We should go check it out!"

The rest of the gang looked at Josh, the unofficial "leader" of the pack. After buzzing among themselves for awhile, with Josh enthusiastically selling his idea, they all agreed that they should go the next weekend.

"I'm sure you'll love it, won't you?" he asked Jess, his girlfriend, putting his arm around her.

She smiled, and nodded.

Josh, Jess, Wan Xing, Keng Loong, Xue Xing and Gerald were a bunch of friends that were inseparable since the first day they met at the campus orientation. Coming from different courses, with Josh and Xue Xing from Advertising, Wan Xing, Keng Loong and Jess from the Linguistics Division and Gerald from Biology, they were a queer mix of people to hang out together. But still, they enjoyed each other's company and did many crazy things together.

They studied together, cc-ed together, mamaked together until the wee hours of the morning, teased each other unmercifully, made each other laugh and cry. They visited each other's houses during holidays and went off on trips together, checking out the interesting nooks and crannies in Malaysia. Their campus life were unforgettable because of each other.

****

I smiled as I remembered them, the friends of my days in university. I had good times with them, laughing and crying together over the funniest and saddest things. I missed them. Or at least, some of them. We had all finished our degree life a couple of years ago and scattered all over the country, either working or continuing our studies. I was the only one left in our uni, as I was doing my Masters here.

The penknife that I had been holding in my hand faltered and I think I unconsciously lowered it. But in a flash, I remembered again why I was here and what I wanted to do. I gripped the knife, flicked it open, and and stared at it. The blade had a curious greenish hue to it when in the water. It was glinting and shining, as if tauting me to do it.

****

Josh and Jess was the perfect couple among them. They were both funny and smart, witty in their words and bold in their actions. They teased each other but were affectionate to each other as well. Even their looks and height complemented. Having them in any occasion was fun because of the way they lightened up the mood and sparked up the atmosphere.

But they were a little too similar in their personalities. They were too confident, too proud sometimes to admit their mistakes. Personally, their friends felt like they should have gotten partners that were more humble, more gentle and more sensible to balance them up. Josh and Jess together were like crossing together a lion and a tiger. They could complement each other extremely well, but when they turned against each other, the consequences could be quite bad.

****

Should I do it? It would be painless- the cold would numb everything. I would just need to slit a bit into my wrist. Then would see the blood flow freely, staining the water around me red. Then I would lose my consciousness, fall back into the water, and leave my fate to the river that I love. It was that simple. I touched the tip of the knife, testing the sharpness, and pressed it to my wrist.

****

"What the hell?!"

"I can explain...."

"How long?! Tell me! How long already?!?!"

Silence.

"I said, TELL ME HOW LONG!" Jess screamed at Josh.

He fell silent again. He knew that there was no escape now that he was caught.

"1 year..."

Jess glared at him, tears of fury and hurt pouring down her face. He thought she would bore him into the ground with the look she was giving him. At long last, she took a step towards him-

-and slapped him across his face.

He staggered back, stunned.

She stormed out of his apartment and slammed the door so hard that specks of dust flickered down from his ceiling.

Josh contemplated chasing her, but thought otherwise. It would be good to let her blow off some steam. He knew this was coming sooner or later, but had not the courage to tell her. He felt bad, evil, horrible, any negative adjective to describe himself, but he couldn't help it. He was human after all, and humans were bound to make mistakes right?

He slumped down on his sofa, his head in his hands. Why did she have to see that? He was prepared to let go, really, but the temptation proved too hard to resist. Why did she not go back to her hometown like her initial plan was? Why did she have to get the notion to surprise him at his house suddenly?

Jess had caught him kissing Xue Xing on the lips.

****

I'm still sitting in the water, knife going deeper into my flesh. As I was beginning to feel the tiny pinch of pain, a butterfly flitted near me and landed on my nose. Crossing my eyes and looking down at it, I saw that it was a Raja Brooke butterfly, the large, beautiful species with metallic turquoise colored wings. I lowered the knife, and it fluttered off.

I looked around me. There were butterflies and dragonflies flitting happily, chasing each other, without a care in the world. I looked up in the trees growing by the river and saw a bushy-tailed squirrel scurry across a branch, biting a forest fruit in his mouth. A large cobweb spanned the tress, catching the sunlight in the droplets of the morning dew still clinging on to it, sparkling like diamonds. I looked down in the water and caught a small fish trying to nibble my toes.

I snapped my penknife shut.

It was just too stupid to lose out on life over a jerk like him. I smiled, stood up, and threw the penknife into the water.

It sank gently into the deepest part of that section the river, the penknife that was a gift from him, carved with our initials. It can stay there till the end of time for all I care. I'm through with it and the person who gave it to me.